Walking away...

Someone said the kindest thing to do is to quietly walk away.

I was not kind enough...

So I cried and exploded.

But if that's what you really want... Then I will be gone. 

Forever!

Walking away...

Wishing I could delete the memories of the past and the dreams of the future.

Walking away...

With just a single question.

Why now???

Walking away...

With invisible tears...

For us.

Walking away....

With just a single thought.

Your love!

Walking away...

With a bleeding heart...

My love!!

Chokher Bali

Born on This Day!

My soul shivers a little and shudders awake in the middle of the night...

I am hot but it feels cold, lonely, lost, betrayed and unwanted inside me.

It searches for you, trying to remember how my name felt on your lips...

And remembers you saying, "I don't want this love"... And you repeated it.

One lonely tear trickles down the cheek, my soul screams in pain, "I am dry".

I promise to stop but I can't. It reminds me, "I don't want to cry for you"...

Did you say that too? Yes you did. And yes I hurt you. I was in pain too...

I took you for granted, I thought you know me and you will understand.

I said all the rights things, but in the wrong way... I am sorry I said for saying it.

You said all the wrong things, but in the right way... You are sorry you said for loving me.

It is still dark, my soul groans in pain... This time the wounds are deep and unexpected.

I am not your mother or your family, you reminded me. But you were mine.

My child cried for you but you went after another. A part of it died and buried within the soul.

I don't know that person. You said you are strong and you are sure but I needed you.

It will end anyways so why not today?

Not today.... I am not ready for it.

Not today.... I am still planning.

Not today.... I thought we had some dreams.

Not today.... I am begging for forgiveness.

Not today.... I need you.

Not today.... I was born on this day.

Not today.... I died on the same day.

This is what I will remember for the rest of my life.... On my birthday, crying for you to be kind!!!

And not finding it...

Because of YOU...

Because of you...

I became a better person...

But that's ok, it doesn't mean anything anyways.

Because of you...

I found a person I could cry to...

But that's ok, it doesn't give you anything anyways.

Because of you...

I found true love in my heart and soul...

But that's ok, it was meant to end soon anyways..

Because of you...

I cry myself to sleep everyday...

But that's ok, it's gonna stop someday anyways.

Because of you....

I lost trust in people and love...

But that's ok, it is not your problem anyways.

Yes, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.

But you did... Loud and clear...

"Think whatever you want to think...

Do whatever you want to do..."

These only proved how much you cared.

Oh I saw the strength of steel and its chillness running through your spine...

You were so confident, so sure, so strong, so calm, so unloving when you said...

"It is over."

Chokher Bali

THIS Love!

"I don't want this love" so you say...

Then take your name and your memories back with you.

To the comfortable and painless reality of yours

Where I can never exist because I am not a human.

I don't want THIS love, so you said...

THIS love that picked you up from the moment it saw you?

Or THIS love that gave you nothing but pain...

Or THIS love that patiently waited for you to come back?

If waking up each day and waiting for your text is love...

I don't want THIS love too...

If wondering why you never say good morning or good night everyday to me is love...

I don't want THIS love too...

If staying home every weekend to save money for our future trips is love...

I don't want THIS love too...

If watching you cry talking about your ex lovers is also love...

I don't want THIS love too...

If you can go everywhere to feel better than call me on my birthday, so you don't have to "prove" your love...

I don't want THIS love too.

If you can turn your cold heart when I am crying for you like a lost child, and say you don't have to "prove" your love...

I don't want THIS love too...

THIS love that you said gave you only pain will never find you again... 

THIS love is the lover that will hate you forever, for letting go of "THIS love"...

Chokher Bali