2012 - May it be Y(ours)!!

Never accept anyone who wants to keep your love a secret... it's better to be openly single than secretly married;

Take good care of your old parents even if they get on your last nerve, remember you single handedly got on theirs when they fed and raised you;

Always remember that money can't buy everything, so cherish your health, your youth, and above all your friends and your family;

Cheap questions dont deserve cheap answers so don't provide cheap answers in anticipation of a cheap question either;

It's okay to forget bad people and bad memories. Chimney sweep your address, phone and memory books every now and then;

Don't eat breakfast cos some unknown saint said it's the most important meal; be your own saint and eat when you are really hungry;

Last but never the least (and this one is not an original, just my favorite quote), 

In your Future.... Never forget your Past!!!

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

He is an extension of Me.... (Peek into my Me-Time!!)

Here's the sequel to the sequel written by Kriti on "FOB: Me-Time".... I thought I must add some perspective to the most vied Me-Time for someone like me... a single working immigrant.

It was one of those days in the North Eastern Coast where summer and fall meet with a friendly smile. One of those rare days where you don't need the AC or the Heater - gorgeous natural temperature inside your home... a perfect 73 deg when I went to bed last night. By 3am it was getting a lot chillier than expected.... uuurrrrgghhhh!!! WHY cant they have those freaking thermostat controls in every room?? I have to make good with the cotton sheets, scrambling myself to create some heat. HE refuses to get up and go downstairs to turn the heat up for me. What a sucker!! I curse under my breath and cuddle into a ball... oh nooooo it's monday again!!?!?!?

6:30am - First alarm helps start the day in French!
7:00am - Second alarm drags me out of bed!
7:15am - Miss myself screaming at my mom for my BED Coffee!!
7:45am - Jump into the shower and rush to work
8:30am to 7:00pm - meetings, reviews, meetings, answer stupid questions, read meeting minutes, schedule more meetings... to discuss future meetings!!
7:30pm - HE is tired too and forgets to stop at the grocery store
8:00pm - I realize we ran out of eggs and milk and HE is so indifferent. Fix something quick for dinner, Curse Him more under my breath (I could use some help)....
8:30pm - muster up the last fews ounces of energy left in my body to call my Parents and sound chirpy enough not to worry them.
9:00pm - Me Time to read a book... my eyes hurt and am exhausted.... F this... I will read during the weekend!!
9:30pm - sloshed and dreaming of the weekend....

Repeat until Friday!!!

And FINALLY comes the long awaited Weekend!!! Friday Night... is what I refer to when I say weekend.... just Friday night!!!
9:30pm - am not so sloshed. The night is young!!!
And then of course it ends like all good things when I wake up on Saturday. urrrrggghhhh... Work during the week and Chores during the weekend!! wtf?
I wake up with a list of chores for the days (sat & sun). He doesn't do a thing without me.... so it's not like we can divide and conquer... I'll take care of everything INSIDE the house while He takes care of everything OUTSIDE the house - sounds perfect!! But oh no, not for me. If I weren't this cool (wink) - I'd find myself somewhere between Mid-life crisis and Menopause during these 2 days!!!

Grocery shopping
Cook
Clean the Kitchen
Clean the toilets
Laundry
Fold the laundry
Press clothes for work
Vaccum the house
Cut the lawn
Remember to call the plumber to fix the leak
Make sure the bills are paid
Call that freaking credit card company and challenge that unexpected fee
Delete some recorded shows that I haven't had time to watch cos the DVR is running out of space
Call Family and Friends back home (and oh remember to be chirpy now!!)
Make a checklist of all the missed calls that I HAVE to return
Update FB status with some stupid quote so my friends know am still alive
Do the dishes
Beat myself up for something I forgot to remind myself...
and finally...
...Read a book?!?!?!? Me-Time... (it's already 9:30pm Sunday night - time to go to bed feeling SLOSHED again)

One day, you just wake up with a halo and wonder what this is all about? Life means much much more than just scrambling around like drunken squirrels. At least squirrels seem to be happy running around like that - they do know what they are looking for right?

One of my so-called good friends (a married couple with a kid) called me a few years ago and asked for some favor. I said I will try to find some time that weekend to get it done. They replied "What dyu mean you will TRY to find time?? What work do you have to do? You arent married... you don't have kids, you live a FREE life!!". I said, "Uhmmm lemme call you right back." and deleted their phone number and went right back to fixing my lunch. Good people, YES... but then who isn't? I like REAL people. The ones that don't underestimate the life or the struggles of another. The ones that believe in the saying "the grass is always green on the other side"... because that is most likely the truth.

I can safely speak for all the beautiful courageous single women out there... who are both Man and Woman of their homes - WE NEED OUR ME-TIME!!!! Contrary to what people may think of the "Free" single life... let's go actually find some "free" time to read a book, watch a movie, call a friend, or just take a power nap on Sunday afternoon... FIND your Free-Time and make it your Me-Time.

Mine, is between noon and 1pm at work.... when everyone's having lunch - I read my book. My Me-Time is food for thought!!!!

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

To be Healed... of Love!!

Someone rightly said "Hurt me with the Truth, but never comfort me with your lies".
I looked back and I couldn't tell for sure which were true and which were not.
It doesn't matter anymore because both your lies and your truth hurt just the same.
I first stopped searching for answers, and then I stopped asking the questions.

I will wait for the day I would wake up to a forgotten past and distanced memories.
I will forget that it was not me you loved but a mere fragment of your imagination.
I will forget that my love, my lust and everything in between was but a handicap for you.
I will forget the feel of regret or hate in your eyes or the stifled stinging tears in mine.

Someday I will forget everything you told me - the lies and the truth - all of it.
Someday I will breathe well and not feel the ache inside each struggling heart beat.
Someday I will wake up again to the simple truth of life, full of passion called love.
Someday I will wake up and find myself worthy to be healed, of this pain also called love.

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Found and Lost!!!

Hi... You look very familiar...
Have we met before my sweet love?
Have I kissed you before we even met.
Is that fear in your eyes?
Oh no, come a little closer.
Let me hear you breathe in my ears.
Do you feel me respond to it?
Yes, that's my perfume you smell.
Does it help calm you down?
Or does it make your heart beat faster?

This is Home, this is where you belong.
Wake up, eat, rest and sleep with me.
Let's make memories together...
Because that's what you will give me.
Let's walk a little further hand in hand.
Enjoy the mountains, the ocean and the snow.
Is this a crossroad? I am confused now.
Did we walk here or did we just meet here?
I hear the church bells ring, you must go.
No, I cant make babies. GOD makes them.

I wake up on my couch, I did not sleep here.
Or maybe I did cos the house looks shrunk.
What time is it? 3 in the morning already?
I pray for a new day. Do I say PLEASE or THANK YOU?
It don't make any difference no more, does it?
Life is stretched out inside a tunnel - I don't see the light.
I lost my mind, did I also lose my phone? I don't care for it.
I just know I have to make a difference but where do I begin?
If I were BLIND, or disabled in another way, I may have an excuse.
No I don't have a choice, I must go on. The road only ends when I stop!!!

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Do you know what I know?

Do you know?
I did not kiss you good bye, the way I really wanted to.
Do you know?
I faked many smiles and swallowed many tears just for you.
Do you know?
I hurt you many times planning already how to make up for it.
Do you know?
I still buy things I don't need but thought that you would.
Do you know?
I felt the strongest every time you held my hand in public.
Do you know?
I felt the weakest whenever you hurt and I couldn't heal.
Do you know?
I'd take a scar in my soul every time you cried for me.
Do you know?
If I could change anything in this world, I will change our love.
Do you know?
I deleted your number months ago but its the only one I can ever remember.
Do you know?
I know everything you wanted me to know even before you wanted me to know it.
Do you know?
You never understood the one thing about love that I ever wanted you to understand.
Do you know?
DO YOU KNOW?
Do you know any of these things that I never want you to really know anymore...
My One and Only Love...
Do you know?

It is YOU!!

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Expressions - The Death of Silence

 I spent the long wintry nights cuddled like a fetus
Hoping I'm safe in my mother's womb never to see another day
Haunted by memories, carrying my dead soul and a lost mind.
I feared to open my eyes and see the emptiness within me.

My hopes, my dreams, my smiles and my love, all vanished
With just one word, leaving an empty pit inside of me.
My heart that once stringed the violin for you, now abandoned.
My mind that once obsessed for you, now in amnesiatic void.

I am not me but a living zombie, needing none and nothing.
Please move on like I never existed, as I never will be.
Everything died inside of me, including my inner silence.
Your words dug my grave and your absence closed me in...

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Letter to GOD

Dear Father,
 
How are you? You would think I won't have much to write since I talk to you every day and every night. But no, I do.

First - What in heaven were you thinking when you created me? OR did you simply outsource me? I don't seem to fit the norm out here. Just curious...

Who created all the Laws of Life on Earth? Do the other planets have similar laws or are they different based on Species?

I misunderstood that human laws were created to STOP Hate... and not STOP Love. Where did I go wrong? Or Where did my Love go wrong?

If you are the Father to all creations, and love everyone just the same - Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Black, White, Yellow, Men and Women... Why is there injustice?

How do you ration smiles and tears for each person?

And last but never the least, Who is my partner? Did you forget a count?

Will call you before I go to bed tonight as usual.

Take care of us. I love you!
Sheba

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Expressions - Death's Will

I swallow my tears to look strong, and by doing that I let my soul drown within me.

"When I die, bury me in your heart" said My Love to me.
"Why? I thought you lived happy in there already" I asked.
"No I'd rather die than live with your love" replied My Love painfully.
My heart stopped beating... 

Should I die too for a dying love or Could I live with a dead heart?

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Expressions - Valentine's Day

I remember our footsteps on the wet sand
The waves chasing my dreams...
Or was it my dreams chasing the waves?
I am not too sure or I wasn't paying any attention.
Your hands holding mine, gripped my heart a little too tight.
I always knew love hurt when in pain...
I then realized it can also hurt when in ecstasy.
Soothing was your shadow, following me like a reflection of myself.

Time stood still within my mind as I imprisoned the memories.
And weaved them into secret dreams I'd need for the future.
When you're gone, and I can still hear and smell you...
When you're gone, and I can still feel and kiss you...
All I have is concocted hallucinations to keep me alive, and I knew
Every night I'll make love to you... and wake up to Valentine's Day!!!

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Expressions - The Day my World Stopped

I cry so you can smile..
I hurt so you can heal..
I'm awake so you can sleep..
I burn so you can love..
I lied to make you free..
That I died.. so you can live!
 
- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Just for YOU!!!

When the skies turn gray and make you sad
I'll be the sun to wipe your frown...
When you find the moments that make you mad
I'll be the music that calms you down...
When you're helpless and feel completely lost
I'll be the road that makes your way...
When your pain exceeds life's mundane cost
I'll hold you every night and day...
When you want to cry and cannot talk
I'll stop in silence with no other clue...
When you find yourself and make your mark
I'll show you forever am just for you...

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

p.s. Everything that rhymes is necessarily not Poetry...

Keep the Cheer!!

Expressions - Is this LOVE?

The day I woke up next to you and forgot the rest of the world ever existed.

The night I wished would never dawn and the kiss I wished would never end.

The times I watched you sleep in peace on my shoulder… and hated my clock for ticking so loudly.

The moment I stifled a sneeze, just so I don’t wake you up from your dreams - hoping you were dreaming about me.

The times you said “No” and I said “Ok” and the times I wanted to say “No” but still said “Ok”.

The times I cried and din’t feel weak for I know I showed you that I am ‘real’.

The times you cried and I felt like I drowned and just died in your tears.

The times your simple smile lit up my sky with a billion stars on a sunny day.

The times your touch melted my heart in the dead winter night.

The times you held me and I disappeared into nowhere.

The screaming silence inside my mind and the silent screams of my soul – both calling your name with a never ending passion.

I saw it, I heard it, I felt it and I lost it – all in you. 

If this is not what they call “Love” then "what is this"?

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!

Expressions - IF I Died Today...

The times I disappointed my friends,
The times I left them when I shud've stayed,
The times I wasn't around for my best girl,
OR was there just to hurt her pain.
The times I said sorry but did not mean it...
Oh the times I meant Love but did not say it...
The days the nights the hours the moments...
I could have shown them all that I really cared.
The memories flash and hurt my eyes...
No... the memories flash and hurt my soul...
My dad's silence when I was angry...
My mom's tears when I was in pain...
The lover that cried for me..
And I did not know it!!

Why did I not see this while I was still there?
The painful journey calls me to nowhere...
And my heart yearns for little more longer.
I cannot undo what I have done...
But I will take just one more precious moment,
To look them in the eye...
and smile with my heart,
kiss with my soul...
and touch them...
Just one last time and say,
"I Love You. Don't cry anymore for I am now your guardian angel, Sheba"

- NOT another 'simple southy'.... Just call me a Madrasi...

Keep the Cheer!!!